All posts by goan

Art House/Giallo-esque Film w/ Miracle Kid

Saw this once in a film studies class. I think it was made around the 80’s, and set in a surrealist Greco-Roman type backdrop. It starts with an introduction to this counsel and a woman giving birth to a prophesied son. The mother dies or something, so the counsel finds a foster mother to be his guardian. I don’t remember a lot of what happens in the middle but, about 5 years go by, and I think the kid had been performing (Christ-like) miracles, proving that he was the messiah. The foster mother goes crazy (or gets possessed or something), and one day she snaps. I believe she killed the boy and tried to hide him in a barn. Then she tries to sleep with this guy in the barn, but the guy notices the dead messiah child and kills the woman in a fit of rage. The whole neighborhood comes out to the stable to investigate all of the noise. I think they end up accusing the man of both murders. I also think at oneĀ  point they realized the mom was going crazy, so they tried to arrested her, but she escaped.

Fake Muppet Kid’s Movie

I remember seeing this movie on tv. I believe it was sometime between the years 2006-2008. I didn’t see the whole thing just part of it but it looked like some sort of kids movie. The plot seemed to be that an ugly Miss Piggy-esque muppet knock-off wanted to marry a human prince to become the queen. However, since the prince was engaged to a human woman (and the pig…was a pig), she kidnapped the prince’s bride and locked her away in a room/cellar/closet (I’m not exactly sure). When the prince set out (I believe riding a horse) to look for his bride, he found the pig instead. I think the pig was also some sort of witch and she used magic to enchant the prince into thinking that she was actually his human bride. I think someone helped the bride escaped and the magic wore off the prince as soon as he saw his real bride.

Trapped Action Hero Gets Creative with Body Parts

I saw the beginning of this film about 5 years ago. It’s in color, I believe it’s from the early 2000’s, and I don’t even remember which language. Here’s what I do remember…

There are cut scenes of a floor covered in what appears to be either shattered glass or water drops (my money’s on glass though!) The action hero was already caught by the bad guys and they had him tied to a chair. They’re in a dark room and it doesn’t look good for the main guy. But then, just as they were going to kill him, he breaks his own wrist, escapes the chair, and uses his exposed wrist bone as a shank to attack the captors.

After that, there was some other scene which I only vaguely remember. This time with a different guy, who I’m assuming was the main baddy since he was in a limo (which I swear I remember as being pink). It’s daytime and he gets a phone call (on a flip phone no less, which I also kind of remember being pink). I think there was someone else in the limo with him too, but he was pissed off at that person for some reason. I don’t remember what the call entails, but the limo pulls off, and that’s the last thing I saw.

Keep in mind that this all happens within the first 10 minutes. Everything about this flick was so bizarre that I’ve been looking for it ever since just to find out what became of the shank wristed hero.